SEEKING CLOSURE: A peek into the diary of a husstling babe
…as he ended the call, I could only stare at my cell phone. We had just ended an affair, a relationship I put all my heart into. How was I supposed to cope? Even though we had misunderstandings now and then, how could I not have seen this coming? After talking with a couple of friends, I decided it was about time to move on. Starting another fresh relationship would be hard because of the fence I had created around me. My attitude towards men had to change if I was to move on. I had to forget about him at all costs.
So I hit the latest bars and clubs, all those places no one would ever see me, I visited. I drank and danced. I got drunk and I flirted. I did things I would never dream of doing.I was finally free. But no matter how many bottles of alcohol I had, memories of the good times we had together would continue to linger. Accepting proposals from other men was difficult because it was hard to trust men. Knowing well that I had my life to live, I decided to give an old friend of mine a call. I hoped being with him would help relieve my misery. I was broke, he was rich and I was tired of the depression bouts so, against my belief, I invited him over to my room where we would discuss ‘business related’ issues. After a lot of pressure from him, I finally succumbed to his advances and we did what we did. Initially, I felt so much guilt but it didn’t last, as I realized he was more understanding than most young men. He showered me with gifts and love unlimited. Even though he was old enough to be my father,I loved him like my baby, not love…I simply liked the fact that I was finally over my ex. I accompanied him on different trips all over the country and I had the insatiable urge to date other older men. I preferred those within the 50 age range. They were more experienced. And that’s how my journey into the world of the ‘aristocrats’ started.
Being around these men gives me satisfaction, I never have to worry about any young man. Even though I know my future may be affected by this decision I have taken, I can only live life once. This is how my story begins. How it will end, I’ll never know….to be contd