I FEEL LIKE I’VE DIED SO MANY TIMES
Dreamily sitting on my porch,
Watching the birds chirp,
The dogs bark and mothers’ calls,
Visions so real,
The stampede, screams and such chaos,
I feel like I died so many times.
For one I see the soldiers coming,
The children are orphaned, spouses rendered lonely.
They made life unbearable,
They locked this place and said no one should enter.
They shot at anyone who disobeyed.
They ate and watched others starve.
The little girl cried for she hadn’t had her medication.
My heart burned, it was a hopeless situation.
For it’s hard to say that I dream of the future
It’s hard to say that I fall asleep at all
Taking a walk down the streets make me no better
And I lie here, sad, confused, lonely
Music loud and blaring, relief pills make it all worse
Because I feel like I’ve died so many times
Memories so real, memories so far
Can’t relate with the present
Then I find solace in reincarnation thoughts
But if I be reincarnated, then I should be glad
For I have been given another chance
To do what, I ask?
Then I find solace in my madness
Perhaps, depression has taken its toll
It be time to die one more time,
But if I die one more time,
Then how do I know for a fact
What it is I feel?
Then I find solace in a home,
One where all minds think alike,
Loud and inaudible voices in my head,
And the yells of other inmates insane.
I still feel like I died so many times.
So if the feeling still lingers,
After all I’ve tried to suppress it,
Then it remains a mystery,
Whether or not I died at all.