MESSAGE TO LADIES. FROM AUNT FLO, WITH LOVE.

What happens when our favourite Aunt Flo delays her periodic visits? I know, we all get scared even when we did nothing. We grumble when she comes and are scared when she delays.  The other day, I grumbled about the rashes on my face. These rashes itch terribly and have turned my face into a shadow of itself. They won’t go on their own and I am too scared to try some cream or drug because I do not want a worse situation to deal with. I blamed the rashes on Aunt Flo and I went on and on about the dislike I have for her. Then Aunt Flo appeared to me in a vision, she said to me, “Be careful what you say”. She asked me many questions and she reminded me of many instances, then she said I should pass this message on.

You see, when Aunt Flo visits, there’s no telling what she brings along. Everyone knows she makes the blood flow and the hormones surge, but what’s worse? She plagues the face with eruptions; subtle sometimes, dangerous. Some last for long, others stay till she leaves. From the feel of uneasiness to the bathroom trip, to the sight of blood in underwear and the grip of fear. From the race to guardian to the fear-laden lectures on purity and boys, the stains, cramps, tears and grumblings, Aunt Flo always has her ways.

But when you give up the cookie jar and aunty decides to delay her visit, you spend half of your day going through your calendar and calculating dates, you are at war with your brain because you cannot really remember the last time you did the nasty. “It was on the 20th”, you say.” No, 22nd”. You are scared because you do not want to carry a baby just yet. You wonder what people will say, what your folks would say. You wonder if he would take the news. You even wonder who he is! So you start praying for Aunt Flo to visit, “even if it is for an hour”, you say. You pray to her to forgive you because you have, in the past said nasty things about her. You lose control when she is three days late, you turn on your computer and research till dawn for days. You want to know if Aunt Flo can delay her visit without grave consequences. 95% of your search is not encouraging so you pray again. You have to wait for another day or two before you know exactly what is wrong with Aunt Flo but you are too impatient to wait. You feel a headache! Oh, the research says you will feel a headache when Aunt Flo is on leave, a nagging one too! You rush off to get the magic strip; the one that tells you whether or not Aunt Flo is on leave. Magic strip says she may come soon so you research again. 80% of your research says magic strip does not always tell the truth, then you are scared again. You pray Aunt Flo to appear.

You have to distract yourself before you go crazy. You visit friends and relatives, you bring up questions, pretending to just be curious. Then you go to the market to buy foodstuff. Hell, you’ve been eating a lot lately, so you buy everything eatable just in case. You even buy baby food – stocking for the dry season – you call it. With a heavy heart, you journey home. Then you feel it! The cramp! Its slow, its steady, its uncomfortable, the underwear is uncomfortable. Halleluyah! Aunt Flo is alive! You want to jump but you are in the market so you smile sheepishly and feel so energised, you could walk the whole 10 miles home. You don’t worry that she’ll leave a stain, all that matters is that she is here. Aunt Flo is here.

Now that I have passed the message across, I do need a remedy for these rashes. Any ideas?

Aidee

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4 thoughts on “MESSAGE TO LADIES. FROM AUNT FLO, WITH LOVE.

  1. Um. . .no idea just yet.
    Meanwhile, this is a dazzling narrative. Thumbs up, Aidee, and no talk about any lost writespiration.

    Um. . .still no idea about any prospective remedy. *coy look*

    Like

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