NO BAE ALLOWANCE? WE WON’T TAKE IT!
Aidee spends her day making money and her evenings reading every thing readable (well-written or not) but most nights when the witches gather inside their tree houses, she lets creepy thoughts flood her mind. Thoughts like whether to trade places with a rich Yankee kid or just rob a bank or find an oyibo to marry. Join politics maybe? Find a bae?
It is that bad, you see, because this country just throws puzzles at us and it seems like the children won’t be allowed to be the leaders of tomorrow. I won’t blame anyone though.
Right now, Obiora the boutique man has carried his small Ghana-must-go of naira and found his way to China. Business will move from there. Maka, how can one explain the fall of the naira affecting everything? EVERYTHING!
The sad news is that, in this country, traders get excited when something bad happens to our currency. What goes up won’t come down. Years after the price of sachet water was reduced to its normal price, many traders still sell at ten naira. The other day, Ma’Maggi said three cups of rice now sells for two hundred naira! Two hundred naira o! What used to be 50naira per cup. But I understood her plight. “Na imported rice”, she kept repeating, making sad faces like she had no choice. ” You know say everything don cost, even fresh pepper”.
“Okay ma, just kuku give me local rice”.
The disadvantage of the local rice is that it is full of impurities. Sands and stones share boundaries with the rice but the borders are porous so there’s always free flow of every form of impurity. But the good thing about the rice is its cost. Because the local farmers plant it, and because it isn’t refined, it is sold at a very cheap rate. Where the imported rice is sold at 50 naira per cup, the local rice is 20naira per cup.
“Na 30 naira per cup now o”. Haa! How amaze! What interesting! I’m not eating rice again nigbayen. There’s a reason people soak garri. I’ve never even fancied eating rice before. Rice should go and die. Rice is for Chinese people. rice has carbohydrate. Carbohydrate is also in garri. What does rice have that garri does not have? Rice that you cannot even put sugar inside. Rice that you cannot eat with groundnut.
“Madam give me garri jor. Yes, hundred naira own. Big custard container”.
“Haa! Corper, this custard container na 150 naira now o”.
If the prices of local commodities like these are affected by shikini problem with our currency, what do you think will happen to real stuff like nail polish, Brazilian and Peruvian virgin hairs, sexy lingeries, toning creams, jewelries, cosmetics, spa treatments, shawarma, chicken and chips etc? Yeah that’s right, their prices have gone up 100%. It’s the Nigerian economy. And no, the prices of singlet and boxer shorts are still the same so you men have no problem. See why the ladies need bae allowance? Good!
So when ladies are fighting for bae allowance of 20% of boo’s income, l cannot blame them. Blame the free fall of the naira which, by the way, is gradually rising. But as is with Nigeria economy, what goes up…?
While you are there calling on feminists to scold the ladies who fight passionately for bae allowance, look at Chioma’s EX-boyfriend who used to send her $5k monthly and even more when she’s sad. I’m not joking.
Chioma’s ex is a man.
Chioma’s ex is not selfish.
Chioma only broke up with her ex because he was too nice.
Be like Chioma’s ex.