RANT- THE MARRIAGE PRESSURE

This is probably going to be my longest rant because it has queued too long in my guts. I expect many people to read and say, “Aidee is only saying this because she is lonely and eager to get married” so I will just put this out there…Yes, Aidee wants to marry. I do not fall into the category of people who want to die lonely. If you knew how many times I have spent my me-moments dreaming of my forever boyfriend who will get this excess love that I have in abundance, you will know that a girl needs a man. I am just tired of having this marriage thing shoved at my face every darn time. Isi gini?

Now Aidee is on a self-imposed break, not taking new clients for her side hustle and because the internet has been crappy in some days, she decides to pack her kaya and go to the family house which is the name she calls her other house in the other side of the city. She wants to spend a week there and because the family (her friends) have all travelled to Ife, she is home alone in a fairly big house, enjoying her solitude pending when they return and resume the bustle that makes her love them. A girl is also on a budget so she cannot just be spending money in Chicken Republic and Dominos, she instead makes a meal of rice, stew and unborn chicken which she eats in the morning while watching movies and then when she gets bored, she does some research and drifts into her daydream. 

Research, this involves using the internet and checking out insights from the Facebook and Instagram pages. I find some interesting posts on my timeline and decide to look through, Sarah posts “I lost my mother today”, Franca posts a long note as well as a photo of her now fat self. Today is her birthday and she is CLEARLY pregnant even though she tries to hide it. I am happy that Ruth is not here to tell me about Franca, the little girl who was in the same class as us, graduated and got married instantly. That fine girl is now expecting a baby. Aidee, look at us. When will we marry? This year? Next year? Sometime or never? 

Then there is Tade whose photo of a little child is on his timeline with a prayer, “At work with this little one, God bless you little one”. The little one looks happy so I go through the comments. Oh the comments! 

“Is this your daughter?”, “Congratulations brother, emi a sope”, “Ah, my surest egbon aff a fine baby, HBD baby” to which Tade tries his respectful best to respond, “Aunty she is not my child o”, “Uncle Soka, thank you but she is not my child o”, “Aburo, omo ore mi ni o”. Big mistake, for Tade has invited the spirit of sympathy through his response. 

“Eya, we dey wait for your IV o”, “Egbon, when will you bring our wife home na?”, “May the Lord grant you a wife”. 

Hian! Na fight?

But social media is a small thing na, not like that time when I dragged my lazy self to Phase two market to get smoked fish for the okro soup I had been craving. 

“Mama, how much for this one?”

“This one 200, that one 250”

“Haba mama! Sell this one 200 for me na.” I point at one of the ones sold for 250.

She smiles. I take advantage of the smile and make my cute puppy face.

“You know say I be your daughter and your daughter too thin”

“Ha no worry, your flesh go come out when you enter your own house.”

“But na my house I dey na”

“You don marry?” She checks me out from head to toe.

“No, but I rent house for here”

“Your husband house na im be your house, my pikin”

“If husband no quick come nko? I need small flesh now o, just sell this fish for me abeg”

“Your husband dey come, no use your mouth drive am go”

“Ehn but as e never come, make I take care of myself na”

“You must marry, no follow all these other girls dey talk say your husband no dey come now. Small girl like you need marriage”

“Okay ma, I don hear. Fish nko?”

“So no dey talk that kain thing for outside”

“I don hear na, sell fish for me mama” I laugh. “E don do”

“Na you start am o”

She sells the fish and prays for me.

Two days later, I am talking with Joe on the phone and telling him to hook me up with any of his friends. I am tired of waiting for this guy I am crushing on to get the hint that I like him. I want to move on, I say to Joe. He understands and he says he will be on the lookout for me. When the call ends, I am angry at myself. How desperate can one get? I ask myself a number of questions.
Oya why do you want boyfriend? Because everyone is flaunting bae left, right and center.

Is that the only reason? Well, someone has to collect all the anger after a bad day yo!

And? My room gets boring. A girl would like to spend the weekend elsewhere.

Any other reason? A chest to lay on.

That all? Bearbear to drag.

Hm hmm? That is all jor. I want to share my joy with someone.

So you want to share your joy with someone and because everyone already has someone, you will choose anyone? You want to break your rules and live based on other people’s standards? Don’t you have friends who are better than all the boyfriends you’ve ever had combined? Do you want to settle for just anyone when you can spend all these time making a better version of you? Do you want to succumb to pressure out of fear? Are you insane?

Years ago, I made a silent decision to never accept a marriage proposal from any man who was acting under pressure from his family to get married. It is always so glaring even when we try to hide it. My mother, her innocent pressure almost made me settle for someone not worth the trouble. 

You guys should stop it is what I am saying. The comments, the remarks, the “God will provide, I am waiting for your invitation card”, it just sucks! That is pressure and the one who gets the load does not always know because the remarks are always so subtle, not easily noticed until s/he begins to think there is no more to life than getting married even if it is to a mad man or woman. Sha get married, invite people and then brace up for a new bout of prayers for a child. Get a child and brace up for “When will this your child get an aburo? We are praying for you o”. 

See ehn, let me not say anything more. 

Aidee

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2 thoughts on “RANT- THE MARRIAGE PRESSURE

  1. With a conservative society like ours, these questions aren’t going away anytime soon. Children are raised with the idea of marriage as the goal. Or how else does one explain the stigma that divorced people (esp ladies) go through?
    No matter how successful a single lady is in this society of ours, many still don’t rate her until she gets married. Linda Ikeji comes to mind here.

    I believe you enjoyed your solitude in the family house sha. That’s something I cherish.

    Like

    1. Not like it really matters to me what people say but it gets annoying. I’m working towards financial freedom and if marriage comes while at it, I’ll gladly join the train.
      I did enjoy my solitude.
      Thank you, MrHakeem.

      Like

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