AIDEE ERHIME

COCKTAIL OF RANDOM THOUGHTS

ON DEPRESSION AND MENTAL AWARENESS

I recently stumbled on news about a 14 year old girl who committed suicide and streamed the whole process on Facebook live. Shortly after reading the news, I went ahead to do a little research on the girl and on a few others who also live-streamed their suicides. 

What I find disturbing is how people leave insensitive comments encouraging a suicidal person to go ahead. The girl whose news I first read apparently had a mother who, while watching her daughter on Facebook live, left a comment to tell her that life goes on and that the teenager was simply crying wolf. A mother! 


This week, I have heard about too many suicides that were encouraged by friends of the depressed person. 

How depression is a farce to many still baffles me. People get depressed and no one is really above it.

A former friend of mine once told me that depression is not real and that people who claim to be going through it are annoying attention-seekers. This from a very literate man. Seeing as he was someone I used to like a lot, I subconsciously assumed I was an attention seeker when some thoughts hit me. As such, I would not seek help anywhere but would cry my eyes out.

I’ve grown, I have learned. 

I recently put up a post on my Facebook page about how my teenage assistant was going through a confused phase in her life and how it occurred to me that my response could be what would make or break her.

There is a ‘movement’ of sorts on social media called ‘#iammentallyaware’ (@mentallyawareng). I suggest you go through their social media pages. There you’ll see, from testimonies of people, that depression respects no one. Perhaps the older we get, the easier we can deal with it but I may be wrong. 

Not everyone is strong enough to fight this thing. For years, I never smiled because I thought my teeth were too big; I never went braless because I thought my breasts were too small; I never let my hair down because I thought it was too full. It was a few days ago, when Olu and Otigs were helping me in the kitchen and discussing insecurities, that I realized I once felt insecure about my teeth, breasts and hair. There I was, in the kitchen wearing a spaghetti strapped top without my bra, laughing heartily with two beautiful men who had just complimented my culinary skills and my natural hair. I told them about how I once was in a relationship where he would constantly remind me that he liked big breasts and that my insecurity disappeared gradually when a friend whispered in my ear one day in church while pastor was preaching about insecurity, ‘see did I not tell you not to worry about your breasts?’ 

There used to be days when I would be angry with my father for not trying harder and with my mother for not being like some others. If they had tried harder, I would not be thinking about my bills when I was eighteen, I would not be carrying so many responsibilities at twenty-five, I would not be worried about food or rent or clothes, I would not lack if only try tried harder. With these thoughts came accusations, ‘perhaps this is why I can’t keep a man, there is something wrong with me’ and I would cry, write and cry. My last real breakup broke me into all shades of suicidal. 

That was years ago. These days, I have learned to let people go who want to go; to spend time building myself rather than crying over the past. 

Not everyone can deal with it the way I do. Remember I said I was suicidal? I also used to be extremely impulsive. What if I did something dangerous on impulse because I could not control my feelings? Indeed I could not control how I felt. I impulsively packed my bag around 3pm and got on the bus to Portharcourt. I arrived Port Harcourt at 12am.

Not everyone has someone to talk to, many feel no one will understand and the truth is, no one may truly understand the emotion. 

But if you feel the urge to encourage a suicidal person to go ahead and kill himself, I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself and walk away rather than add to an already existing pain.

What they need is love and if you don’t have it to give, please look the other way. 

I love you all.

Aidee.

March 15, 2017 Posted by | EDUCATION, RANDOM THOUGHTS | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

IS THAT HOW YOU USE TO DO?

​Yes you, you are subscribed to the blog and you cannot even send a mail to ask why we have not made an update this year. Is that how you use to do? Don’t even try to correct my perfect Nigerian English here! I’m fine with it, thank you. 

Side note: I just checked my weight and discovered I’ve gained 1kg out of the 4kg that I lost last month. This calls for celebration and celebration is what I am doing just now. 

I really wanted the first post for 2017 to be a reflection of the progress we have made so far. I have been using the word ‘we’ very often and it feels good.

Okay enough yapping!

Last year, I started seriously working with a few girls and taking my interest in cosmetic Skincare science more seriously. There were many challenges, still are, but we’ve waded through them like it’s nothing! 


The major challenge was really not my laziness but finance. We needed money to do a lot but when we could not get the necessary financing, we decided to start up and grow up. 

We have made some progress and really planned to make announcement on the first of February but forces decided to draw us back so we will be making this big announcement in March. 

Meanwhile, the blog may relocate to somewhere else. Trust me, I’m really trying to convince our brand consultant to let me keep this blog. It’s been up and running for nearly 7 years and it means a lot to me. Sadly, she is not one to be easily convinced so for ease and in the name of building a personal brand, the blog may have to move in with the business.

What the business is?

Do you know Aidee Erhime? How long have you been subscribed to this blog? Do you follow her on any of her social media accounts, especially Facebook and LinkedInIf you do, you’d probably have caught a hint about what she believes in and lives for. 

First I am a scientist, then a teacher and a businesswoman. I strongly believe we live to give. There are people who have it worse than we do, want to be better and simply need a push. I push just as I get pushed. I believe we can make the world better using the little or big resources that we have and I am very attached to young people for reasons I probably won’t understand just yet. 

I currently volunteer as trainer with a Non-governmental organization and am working with a few students in a government secondary school in Abuja where my co-trainer and I teach them skills they need to survive when they finally get to experience life alone as adults outside the protection of their guardians. 

I also spend my evenings everyday helping some young people with academic work and gardening. In the mornings, you’ll find me having conversations with my plants – Vera, Eva, Love and Rosa – who provide raw materials for my experiments on skincare science (All four of them were accidentally murdered some days ago by neighbours).

I have always nursed a certain big dream and pursued it relentlessly but when it seemed like help was not forthcoming, I decided to take a different approach to reach the goal. 

My many ways to one goal


Anyway, this different approach is the reason the blog may have to relocate and so when we get to it, it’d be nice to have oh ye faithful subscribers to cheer me on. You have always been there and I’m very grateful.  It’s not a business as much as it is a movement. You’ll find out about it when we launch.

Relocation and the fact that I now have downlines who kinda look up to me, means I have to be careful with what I say. It’s hard yo! I had written a post and had to keep it saved in draft just because…sighs!

But we grow everyday and because we believe in making impact, we watch what we say and how we act so for these reasons, we can’t back down. 

Here’s me removing cobwebs from the blog, welcoming us all to the new year and leaving you with this picture of me wearing my beautiful smile. You all are beautiful…

…And I love you.

Aidee.

February 5, 2017 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

THE JJC’S GUIDE TO LIVING IN ABUJA

​The first time I visited Abuja, it was for love. Not love for the city but love for a man and I do believe that’s a good enough reason to travel miles and risk one’s life, yes? Yes. When I eventually fell in love with the city, it was partly because I was in love with a man who was in love with the city. It’s like loving a certain football team because one’s lover is in love with it. However, love between man and lady fell apart but did not take with it love for the city (Too many ‘loves’ for one paragraph I know, I love to love). 

I thought I knew what it meant to work for money because, well I have never been a lazy girl when it comes to working hard for money. I brought to Abuja my business experience which I had gathered from my 7 years stay in Benin and my 1 year in Benue state. Abuja laughed at me. 


I remember once when I drove into town from the airport and took a quick glance at the gas gauge. I noticed I needed to top up the fuel and it was getting late so I stopped to ask a man to direct me to the nearest filling station. He told me that I had passed the nearest one and that the next one was very far but if I could do a reverse and drive one-way, I could go to the fill in station behind me. 

I did not want to take such a risk because I was not on a one-way drive but I still really needed to top up. While negotiating what best decision I could take, two other men came to meet the man, he told them what the matter was and they agreed with his suggestion that I do one-way on a busy highway. That’s when I heard the statement again from one of them, for the umpteenth time, “you no get mind, this car too big for you sef”. I did not lose my temper, no. I simply drove away smiling because in Abuja, everyone is a small girl who does not wear makeup and fancy clothes but has the audacity to have a tiny frame.

Here I learned that no one takes anyone serious who does not look like a rich man. Many times, my sister had tried to no avail to put so much makeup on my face and style me before I stepped out. She soon gave up and I soon got frustrated because no one would listen to me when I went to lobby for contracts. I looked and still look like a little girl. 

Abuja is changing me. It teaches one to spend time and money on appearance, to pretend to be someone else who has it all even when he really stays in a cramped up space and while Lagos teaches you you to ‘hustle’, Abuja teaches you how to ‘package’ your hustle. The packaging is what people buy.  

For anyone who has thoughts of moving to Abuja to start a life, take this as a free tutorial on what you must do to blend in. 

1. Dress well: This is a no-brainer and a tough thing to do if you’re used to the quick Lagos life or like me, the easy Benin life where no one really cares about your looks. You could in those cities, start your day by throwing on a Tee over dirty Jeans and a pair of flip-flops. Here you have to ensure that even if you opt for a casual look, you do not look ‘cheap’. You cannot afford to overlook your dressing. Your clothes must flatter your body and your flip-flops belong to your bathroom no matter how fancy. The saying that you are addressed by the way you dress holds true in this city. This was a hard lesson for me and I learned it after I was told that I would not go with a certain team to see a certain man who may have given me a certain contract and the reason was that I was not dressed in a certain way. You also do not want to be wooed, for ladies, by drivers and security men so take time to dress well. 

2. Make-up: Powder, lipgloss, anything…just makeup. It does not matter if you are male or female. Whether you are going to the backyard store or to your bathroom or to the mall, ensure your face is looking bright because you do not know where you’ll have to pitch a business to a potential investor.  Always make sure your hair looks neat.

3. Always have specific answers: You know how you meet someone and he asks you what you do and you say, ‘well, I do many things’? Stop it! Hold it! What exactly do you do? No one will take you serious when you say you do many things. Even if you have not started doing something, call yourself by the name you’ve always dreamed you’d be called. You have to sell yourself and you can’t do this by being unsure of what your profession is. 

4. Learn the art of connecting: This is almost like number 3 above and yes, connecting is an art. We meet people everyday and make connections. You must seize every opportunity to let people know what you do. Many meetings I’ve attended in Abuja always end with a connect session which is even more important than the ‘item 7’. Your business card must be with you at all times and you must learn to smile even when you are extremely upset. 

ON DRIVING:

Abuja has good roads, so good you may not realize you’ve been over speeding. Mondays and Fridays, the thieving FRSC officials are always on the look for free money so they stop cars and accuse them of beating traffic light. If you know you are innocent, do make sure your doors are locked and your windows are wound up. Do park your car and lock it if you must attend to them but if you forget these rules and they manage to enter your car, you don’t have to bribe them. No one will fine you for beating traffic light. It still hurts that I fell into their trap and listened to the jargon they said about me paying a fine. No fines please. 

If you must drive at night, don’t stop your car to do aproko. Car thieves are everywhere. Park your car in secure locations and like me, put your big handbag in the boot.

If you won’t be driving, ensure you take my father’s advise and ‘la oju e’, Open your eyes. One-chance people are everywhere. Don’t contribute to discussions between passengers no matter how tempted you are to join in. If you sit by the extreme right or extreme left, hold on to your purses, bags or wallets. Some silly boys have started snatching bags and running into the bush.

ON ROMANCE

This is for the ladies and some men.

Remember how Abuja people package? Good. Don’t fall for a guy because he drives a G-wagon. Speaking of G-wagon, these Abuja people make it look like taxi. Anyway, it is possible that the guy wooing you borrowed the car from his friend’s father because he has to look good and package well. That he gave you his business card and is speaking British English does not guarantee that he is real. That he wears agbada and talks like a big man does not mean he is rich enough to be your sugar daddy. Do your research or pay me to do it for you. 

I have never really bothered to find out what a man specifically means when he says ‘let me take care of you’ but I do know that many Abuja daddies like to say it. That statement is like an anthem for them especially when they sense that you are new in the city. Be very careful.
These here are some really important things to do if you want to have a fairly easy stay within your first few months in Abuja. I love this city and pray hard everyday that I marry a man who loves to come back to Abuja after we tour the whole world. I’ve learned tough lessons here, made good friends and am now starting to really enjoy living the life of a spinster. 

Business in Abuja

P.S: We are organizing a business masterclass. If you click on the picture above, you may find something very interesting about me. I’ll be giving updates about this class on social media and/or in subsequent posts. Meanwhile, please follow me on all popular social media platforms (including Linda Ikeji Social). Just type my names, ‘Aidee Erhime’ and voila! My beautiful face!

PPS: JJC means Johnny Just Come i.e., a newbie.

I hope all that I wrote above makes sense and helps someone somewhere sometime. 

Much love,

Aidee.

November 13, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION, LIFE | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

RANT- THE THINGS I NEVER SAID (ON FEMINISM AND MARRIAGE)

In a recent discussion, I was quoted as saying a woman can walk out of her marriage if she is not comfortable. I never said so.

The person who quoted me said he drew this conclusion from my post on Tiwa Savage’s marriage. I’ll like to clarify just because I do not feel comfortable when people misquote me and from search terms, I know this blog has shown up on people’s browsers when they looked for answers on their marriages.

Continue reading

July 27, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

FOR THE LOVE OF MARRIAGE: A case study of Tiwa Savage.

The title might not exactly do justice to the content of this post but I’ve never really been good with titles so just read on.

Continue reading

April 30, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , , | 7 Comments

RANT- ON STUPIDITY AND WINNING ARGUMENTS

I have a lot to say concerning intelligence and incorporating our intelligence into our arguments. One of the lessons I learnt to accept last year was that there are people who have it better than me as regards intelligence, brilliance, wealth and every other thing imaginable, just as there are many people I have it a lot better than.

Also, the best way to make anything good of oneself is to associate more with people who are intellectually challenging. A relationship with friends who have it better, will definitely challenge one’s thinking capacity. You wouldn’t want to be left out so you try to keep pace. We all want to win.

Continue reading

February 11, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

POETRY: LARK IN THE HUNTER’S NET

Aidee read it in Ken Follet’s ‘The Pillars of the Earth’ and it remained engraved in her heart for it bore meanings diverse. On the blog, for reference purpose.

“A Lark caught in a hunter’s net
Sang sweeter then than ever,
As if the falling melody
Might wing and net dissever.

At dusk, the hunter took his prey
The Lark his freedom never.
All birds and men are sure to die
But songs may live forever.”

– Ken Follet (The Pillars of the Earth)

Aidee

January 29, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , | 2 Comments

PLIX LADIES, PLIX, DON’T WASTE HIS TIME!

I woke up to a twitter trend this morning, #WasteHisTime2016 where ladies tweeted many ways to waste a man’s time this year. Some of the tweets were funny and the ripostes by the men (WasteHerTime2016) showed that most of the men felt hurt. Made me wonder what actually started the trend. Women are not smiling!
Continue reading

January 7, 2016 Posted by | EDUCATION, RANDOM THOUGHTS | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I MET THE SNAKE SERVANT

Snake servant came to visit me yesterday, in the afternoon. The noise from its movement startled me out of my sleep. I saw it crawl beneath the open end of my carpet which was close to the wall socket in my room. I only saw its tail, long and brown, and my heart skipped a beat. I carefully rose from my soft ten-spring mattress, tucked in the bed net and walked slowly to the entrance of my room where I kept the broom. I picked up the broom and hit the side of the carpet where I saw it hide and it ran out. Such speed! I jumped and let out a scream. My hands and legs suddenly began to itch. All the while, I was thinking of Agbo’s words when we saw one outside my window trying to find an opening into my room, “they are a sign that a snake will visit you. The snake sends its servants to check the condition of the house so that it can move in”.

Continue reading

December 29, 2015 Posted by | EDUCATION | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

HAPPY NOVEMBER II

My students love me just as I love them. They come to call me when they are free and I am glad I make them enjoy Chemistry as a subject. Some days back, after teaching for two hours at a stretch, they wanted more. I couldn’t spend another 40minutes teaching them so I decided to use their free time to gist with them.

Continue reading

November 1, 2015 Posted by | EDUCATION, LIFE, RANDOM THOUGHTS | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment