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Category Archives: RANTS

ILE OBINRIN O KIN PE SU

ILE OBINRIN O KIN PE SU

I live in a large compound with many families. One of my neighbours is an elderly Urhobo couple so when they found that I am an Urhobo girl, they informally adopted me and scolded me whenever I didn’t stop by to say hi.

Yesterday, I sat with mama for my Urhobo lessons but ended up listening carefully to her as she talked about how she was once a petite young lady who worked so hard to assist in training her children. She talked so fondly about her children who are now all married and how she ensured that her daughters did not end up being wayward.

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Posted by on March 28, 2018 in RANDOM THOUGHTS, RANTS

 

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RANT- THE MARRIAGE PRESSURE

This is probably going to be my longest rant because it has queued too long in my guts. I expect many people to read and say, “Aidee is only saying this because she is lonely and eager to get married” so I will just put this out there…Yes, Aidee wants to marry. I do not fall into the category of people who want to die lonely. If you knew how many times I have spent my me-moments dreaming of my forever boyfriend who will get this excess love that I have in abundance, you will know that a girl needs a man. I am just tired of having this marriage thing shoved at my face every darn time. Isi gini?

Now Aidee is on a self-imposed break, not taking new clients for her side hustle and because the internet has been crappy in some days, she decides to pack her kaya and go to the family house which is the name she calls her other house in the other side of the city. She wants to spend a week there and because the family (her friends) have all travelled to Ife, she is home alone in a fairly big house, enjoying her solitude pending when they return and resume the bustle that makes her love them. A girl is also on a budget so she cannot just be spending money in Chicken Republic and Dominos, she instead makes a meal of rice, stew and unborn chicken which she eats in the morning while watching movies and then when she gets bored, she does some research and drifts into her daydream. 

Research, this involves using the internet and checking out insights from the Facebook and Instagram pages. I find some interesting posts on my timeline and decide to look through, Sarah posts “I lost my mother today”, Franca posts a long note as well as a photo of her now fat self. Today is her birthday and she is CLEARLY pregnant even though she tries to hide it. I am happy that Ruth is not here to tell me about Franca, the little girl who was in the same class as us, graduated and got married instantly. That fine girl is now expecting a baby. Aidee, look at us. When will we marry? This year? Next year? Sometime or never? 

Then there is Tade whose photo of a little child is on his timeline with a prayer, “At work with this little one, God bless you little one”. The little one looks happy so I go through the comments. Oh the comments! 

“Is this your daughter?”, “Congratulations brother, emi a sope”, “Ah, my surest egbon aff a fine baby, HBD baby” to which Tade tries his respectful best to respond, “Aunty she is not my child o”, “Uncle Soka, thank you but she is not my child o”, “Aburo, omo ore mi ni o”. Big mistake, for Tade has invited the spirit of sympathy through his response. 

“Eya, we dey wait for your IV o”, “Egbon, when will you bring our wife home na?”, “May the Lord grant you a wife”. 

Hian! Na fight?

But social media is a small thing na, not like that time when I dragged my lazy self to Phase two market to get smoked fish for the okro soup I had been craving. 

“Mama, how much for this one?”

“This one 200, that one 250”

“Haba mama! Sell this one 200 for me na.” I point at one of the ones sold for 250.

She smiles. I take advantage of the smile and make my cute puppy face.

“You know say I be your daughter and your daughter too thin”

“Ha no worry, your flesh go come out when you enter your own house.”

“But na my house I dey na”

“You don marry?” She checks me out from head to toe.

“No, but I rent house for here”

“Your husband house na im be your house, my pikin”

“If husband no quick come nko? I need small flesh now o, just sell this fish for me abeg”

“Your husband dey come, no use your mouth drive am go”

“Ehn but as e never come, make I take care of myself na”

“You must marry, no follow all these other girls dey talk say your husband no dey come now. Small girl like you need marriage”

“Okay ma, I don hear. Fish nko?”

“So no dey talk that kain thing for outside”

“I don hear na, sell fish for me mama” I laugh. “E don do”

“Na you start am o”

She sells the fish and prays for me.

Two days later, I am talking with Joe on the phone and telling him to hook me up with any of his friends. I am tired of waiting for this guy I am crushing on to get the hint that I like him. I want to move on, I say to Joe. He understands and he says he will be on the lookout for me. When the call ends, I am angry at myself. How desperate can one get? I ask myself a number of questions.
Oya why do you want boyfriend? Because everyone is flaunting bae left, right and center.

Is that the only reason? Well, someone has to collect all the anger after a bad day yo!

And? My room gets boring. A girl would like to spend the weekend elsewhere.

Any other reason? A chest to lay on.

That all? Bearbear to drag.

Hm hmm? That is all jor. I want to share my joy with someone.

So you want to share your joy with someone and because everyone already has someone, you will choose anyone? You want to break your rules and live based on other people’s standards? Don’t you have friends who are better than all the boyfriends you’ve ever had combined? Do you want to settle for just anyone when you can spend all these time making a better version of you? Do you want to succumb to pressure out of fear? Are you insane?

Years ago, I made a silent decision to never accept a marriage proposal from any man who was acting under pressure from his family to get married. It is always so glaring even when we try to hide it. My mother, her innocent pressure almost made me settle for someone not worth the trouble. 

You guys should stop it is what I am saying. The comments, the remarks, the “God will provide, I am waiting for your invitation card”, it just sucks! That is pressure and the one who gets the load does not always know because the remarks are always so subtle, not easily noticed until s/he begins to think there is no more to life than getting married even if it is to a mad man or woman. Sha get married, invite people and then brace up for a new bout of prayers for a child. Get a child and brace up for “When will this your child get an aburo? We are praying for you o”. 

See ehn, let me not say anything more. 

Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2017 in RANTS

 

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FRUSTRATIONS OF AN IDEA-GENERATING, DETERMINED YOUNG LADY – AIDEE

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Just now, I want to cry on someone’s shoulder and be told that this phase is normal and that as usual, I will pass through this like the boss that I am. That is what I tell myself every time my boat hits a rock – let us get this boat moving, the Holy Spirit and I – but I see that I am still at my friend’s, in his bedroom while the rest are in the sitting room playing computer games. I am with his laptop so may just as well type out my frustration and maybe dump it in the draft bin where others like it are.

Ninety-eight percent of my friends are creative people, businessmen who come together to discuss and shape our thinking with books and ideas. Just this week, I watched my very active friend who is the liveliest of us all, fall into the zone. His mood swung and I missed him a lot but I understood what he was going through. I have been there, we all have and though they seem to not have that dark side, the businessmen we admire actually do get frustrated sometimes.

My diary is full of business ideas which I had thought of since 2009. I understand that I cannot possibly do all of the stuff I have written there, so I write out my ideas and share some with people I feel would do something about it while I face the one thing I know I am good at.

Some weeks ago, I was speaking with O when I mentioned an idea that had crossed my mind. It was one of those things I knew I would eventually venture into when my current project is at a stable phase. O was so impressed, he offered to help engineer it all. He could see the big picture and knowing the challenges involved as well as the need for me to stay focused with my current project, he offered to help use his programming and engineering skills to lay the foundation for this new idea so that when I am ready, we would have something to work on. O has kept to his word. In between his busy work schedule, he works on my project. O is the one I call ‘My Angel’, a friend indeed.

Today however, I stumbled on a post where someone came up with a similar idea and has put it in the market. This is not as much as a threat to me as the challenges I currently face. I think it is the fact that those who came up with this have opportunities on such a beautiful platter and boast that they are tapping into a market that has never been tapped in the country. I am happy for them just as I am envious and it is hard to stay happy when I should be the one boasting of tapping into an untapped market.

I do understand that the first to tap into the market are the ones whose mistakes we learn from. I also know that if we play our cards well and take our time, we will eventually outrace them and become the big players. However, there is something about being the first. Take Indomie for instance, what do most Nigerians call noodles? Indomie. What about Cola drinks? Coke. We forget that there is something like pepsi-cola until the vendor says there is no Coca-cola. Every carbonated cola drink is a coke. This is a big deal for me.

I do not even know how to explain my frustrations but furiously typing this much has calmed me, at least and I am now in the mood to kickass so I’ll just end this rant here and go play video games.

Aidee

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2017 in RANTS

 

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MARRIAGES MADE IN HELL

MARRIAGES MADE IN HELL

​Recently, I met with two women who used to work part-time for me. Both women are married, have children, are young and are financially poor. Both women also have educated husbands who have no jobs so whenever I see them, I usually pay them much more than they have worked for just because of my soft spot for the children. 

They came to see me on different days this week, both looking malnourished but rather than give them money again, I thought I should help them set up businesses. When the first woman came, I asked her what kind of business she could set up with a certain amount of money. She told me what she could do with even less amount but her mindset was just too shallow. I wanted something else for her that would bring much more profit so I suggested she managed another business that I had planned a while ago and she was extremely excited about it. There and then, we planned our budget and she went ahead to find a suitable location for her proposed business. Everything would fall in place, I could see the future of what we had planned and I was ready to pool every resource available to get her there. 


The following day, she came to see me. 

“Ehn aunty, about that business, my husband thinks it is not wise of me to go into it because of my 10 month old baby”.
Say what??? After talking to a few people who were willing to help her raise capital, she comes to me with such a flimsy excuse?

I admit, I felt anger and pity for her at the same time.

The other women said that her husband told her that she would become proud if she starts to make money before him. She did not want to lose her marriage. 
It’s a shame, I tell you, how marriages that are meant for two people to support each other is just an institution for jealousy. Is it not better to be unmarried and free to make choices that to be stuck in a marriage that holds back your success?
It was sometime in 2014 when a young lady vowed to her lover that she would never to be as foolish as her mother who decided to leave all her certificates and degrees for full time housewife duties and let herself be bullied by her husband. Even when her lover tried to explain to her that it was her father’s duty to mould his wife – by way of encouragement – into a fulfilled woman, the young lady would have none of it. 

She constantly blamed her mother for everything that was wrong in the family, for her father’s bad habits and her phobia for marriage and she wished that her mother would stop being lazy, but the fact is that somewhere in the words that her lover spoke to her is an element of truth that this young lady would have to accept. The woman would always want to listen to her man and the duty falls on him to support her or at least explain clearly to her why a choice she wants to make is probably not the best. 
I’m unhappy with those families; the women for being too weak and the men for being weaker. It’s a shame the children will be the ones who suffer for the poor decisions their parents made. I have done my bit in helping the women and I now understand clearly why I probably will not bother with married women but will put my entire focus on young unmarried girls who think that marriage is an institution that they can go into because they think that what they feel at the time is love and that the earlier they get married to anyone who comes along, the better for them. 
It’s a big shame on our society that some people will continue to remain poor and beggarly no matter how much you want to help them, and all in the name of marriage.

Photo by Aidee

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2016 in LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP, RANTS

 

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I WORRY FOR OUR GIRLS (QUICK RANT)

I WORRY FOR OUR GIRLS (QUICK RANT)

PLEA: This is an unedited and impulsive rant. If you find any grammatical error in it, kindly do a mind edit.

Whether the debate as to which of the two sexes (male, female) is more victimized in today’s world, will die anytime soon is not known to me. If I was to give an absolute answer though, I’d say the talk intends to live a very long life, perhaps longer than that of Methuselah.

I worry. I worry for our girls who are soon to become women. I worry that we are too immersed in our culture that we fail to evolve with changing times. I worry about what we’ve learned as ladies, about our struggles, about our fights and I wonder whether I’ll live to see the day our myopic mentality is trashed. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2016 in RANTS

 

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