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HVS, PAP SMEAR TEST AND THE VIRGIN

I am putting this post up because it is one of the most searched topics on the blog. I believe most girls have been left confused as to whether doing a High Vaginal Swab test otherwise called HVS, would take away their virginity or expose their non-virgin status. Aidee is here to the rescue. After doing two Industrial trainings in medical laboratories, I believe I know something or two about HVS. This short post is a combination of what I know as well as first hand experience for the benefit of those inquisitive people who have been directed to this blog by Google and have instead been led to this naughty post of mine instead.

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Posted by on August 13, 2017 in EDUCATION

 

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RANT- THE MARRIAGE PRESSURE

This is probably going to be my longest rant because it has queued too long in my guts. I expect many people to read and say, “Aidee is only saying this because she is lonely and eager to get married” so I will just put this out there…Yes, Aidee wants to marry. I do not fall into the category of people who want to die lonely. If you knew how many times I have spent my me-moments dreaming of my forever boyfriend who will get this excess love that I have in abundance, you will know that a girl needs a man. I am just tired of having this marriage thing shoved at my face every darn time. Isi gini?

Now Aidee is on a self-imposed break, not taking new clients for her side hustle and because the internet has been crappy in some days, she decides to pack her kaya and go to the family house which is the name she calls her other house in the other side of the city. She wants to spend a week there and because the family (her friends) have all travelled to Ife, she is home alone in a fairly big house, enjoying her solitude pending when they return and resume the bustle that makes her love them. A girl is also on a budget so she cannot just be spending money in Chicken Republic and Dominos, she instead makes a meal of rice, stew and unborn chicken which she eats in the morning while watching movies and then when she gets bored, she does some research and drifts into her daydream. 

Research, this involves using the internet and checking out insights from the Facebook and Instagram pages. I find some interesting posts on my timeline and decide to look through, Sarah posts “I lost my mother today”, Franca posts a long note as well as a photo of her now fat self. Today is her birthday and she is CLEARLY pregnant even though she tries to hide it. I am happy that Ruth is not here to tell me about Franca, the little girl who was in the same class as us, graduated and got married instantly. That fine girl is now expecting a baby. Aidee, look at us. When will we marry? This year? Next year? Sometime or never? 

Then there is Tade whose photo of a little child is on his timeline with a prayer, “At work with this little one, God bless you little one”. The little one looks happy so I go through the comments. Oh the comments! 

“Is this your daughter?”, “Congratulations brother, emi a sope”, “Ah, my surest egbon aff a fine baby, HBD baby” to which Tade tries his respectful best to respond, “Aunty she is not my child o”, “Uncle Soka, thank you but she is not my child o”, “Aburo, omo ore mi ni o”. Big mistake, for Tade has invited the spirit of sympathy through his response. 

“Eya, we dey wait for your IV o”, “Egbon, when will you bring our wife home na?”, “May the Lord grant you a wife”. 

Hian! Na fight?

But social media is a small thing na, not like that time when I dragged my lazy self to Phase two market to get smoked fish for the okro soup I had been craving. 

“Mama, how much for this one?”

“This one 200, that one 250”

“Haba mama! Sell this one 200 for me na.” I point at one of the ones sold for 250.

She smiles. I take advantage of the smile and make my cute puppy face.

“You know say I be your daughter and your daughter too thin”

“Ha no worry, your flesh go come out when you enter your own house.”

“But na my house I dey na”

“You don marry?” She checks me out from head to toe.

“No, but I rent house for here”

“Your husband house na im be your house, my pikin”

“If husband no quick come nko? I need small flesh now o, just sell this fish for me abeg”

“Your husband dey come, no use your mouth drive am go”

“Ehn but as e never come, make I take care of myself na”

“You must marry, no follow all these other girls dey talk say your husband no dey come now. Small girl like you need marriage”

“Okay ma, I don hear. Fish nko?”

“So no dey talk that kain thing for outside”

“I don hear na, sell fish for me mama” I laugh. “E don do”

“Na you start am o”

She sells the fish and prays for me.

Two days later, I am talking with Joe on the phone and telling him to hook me up with any of his friends. I am tired of waiting for this guy I am crushing on to get the hint that I like him. I want to move on, I say to Joe. He understands and he says he will be on the lookout for me. When the call ends, I am angry at myself. How desperate can one get? I ask myself a number of questions.
Oya why do you want boyfriend? Because everyone is flaunting bae left, right and center.

Is that the only reason? Well, someone has to collect all the anger after a bad day yo!

And? My room gets boring. A girl would like to spend the weekend elsewhere.

Any other reason? A chest to lay on.

That all? Bearbear to drag.

Hm hmm? That is all jor. I want to share my joy with someone.

So you want to share your joy with someone and because everyone already has someone, you will choose anyone? You want to break your rules and live based on other people’s standards? Don’t you have friends who are better than all the boyfriends you’ve ever had combined? Do you want to settle for just anyone when you can spend all these time making a better version of you? Do you want to succumb to pressure out of fear? Are you insane?

Years ago, I made a silent decision to never accept a marriage proposal from any man who was acting under pressure from his family to get married. It is always so glaring even when we try to hide it. My mother, her innocent pressure almost made me settle for someone not worth the trouble. 

You guys should stop it is what I am saying. The comments, the remarks, the “God will provide, I am waiting for your invitation card”, it just sucks! That is pressure and the one who gets the load does not always know because the remarks are always so subtle, not easily noticed until s/he begins to think there is no more to life than getting married even if it is to a mad man or woman. Sha get married, invite people and then brace up for a new bout of prayers for a child. Get a child and brace up for “When will this your child get an aburo? We are praying for you o”. 

See ehn, let me not say anything more. 

Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2017 in RANTS

 

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A plea for help – THANK YOU!

A plea for help – THANK YOU!

⁠⁠⁠I wrote a plea post sometime back when I had to cater to a young girl, Clara but was faced with many other responsibilities (Click here to read the post).
I’m so happy at the number of people who reached out and shared that post on their various chat groups. Tonight, someone reached out to me again and I felt guilty that I did not post this update earlier.

After deliberations and series of meetings with some older people from my church, someone was 100% ready to take Clara in. We decided to go see her father before any decision was made.

We fixed a date and went along with a married couple. Details of the meeting with her family are confidential. Eventually, Clara reconciled with her father amidst tears from everyone present. It was during this whole arrangement that I understood some things I initially did not including that her father truly loves her. I really did not want Clara to leave but she had to. The tears I shed were just uncontrollable, the other interveners wept too. It was cry galore!

Clara is doing fine just now, at least that’s what she says. I’m so sure she’s going to grow to be the great woman she was created to be.
My immense gratitude goes to Temi who took it upon herself to find sponsors for Clara. Thank you Richard and Joy for nominating me for that ambassadorial something. These two insisted that I was qualified for the nomination even though I saw nothing special in what I’ve done. It’s who I am, I am so thrilled that you believe so much in me.

Thank you Linda, Faith, Omoye and Jones for sharing. Big thanks to the church mamas who were there for me. It still feels weird when I’m on the other side of the kindness stick. For someone who plays the kind role, I still cry happy tears when I remember how kind these people were to me.
I’m so grateful, very grateful, truly grateful.

I love you all so much.
Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2017 in love

 

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Quarter Life Crisis – Welcoming 26.

Quarter Life Crisis – Welcoming 26.

I have not done any research on this topic so this is really from experience. It is also a note specially written for a part of me that I have been emotionally attached to for years.

Twenty-five is not such a bad age to clock, unless you let it pass so quick and forget to enjoy what life offers. Because knowing that in a few months, you’ll be referred to as the girl in her late 20s, is really a big deal regardless of how I dismiss it. 

I woke up on the morning of 7-7-17 and dressed to meet with a client. I had three hours before our meeting time which was more than enough time to dress my long length, very full hair but I was too lazy to do so. Only one thought was recurring on my mind each time I stood up to dress my hair so I impulsively went to the salon outside and told the woman to ‘cut it’. 

The surprise on her face was not one she could hide. “Come make I talk to you”, she urged. 

“Madam, you dey cut hair for your shop?”, I ignored her call. I did not want to be persuaded. This hair is all mine, it’s a part of me and does not belong to any other human.

She knew I had made up my mind. “I dey cut hair, when you wan cut am?” 

“Right now”, I replied and walked inside the salon. There was no going back. I cared less about the comments from the other customers in the shop who clearly hated me each time the woman’s scissors cut my hair, bunch by bunch.

My hair was everywhere. I understood what Abraham must have felt when he placed Isaac on that slab for sacrifice. 

No one noticed the new haircut that day, perhaps because I still had a few inches of hair left on my head. 

I finally went with my dearest friends (now brothers) to lower the hair length on Saturday. I looked like an 18 year old boy. 

I had a few excuses in my backpocket in case anyone wanted an explanation. I knew Ola would demand for an explanation, one I did not even understand myself. 

Did I cut my hair because I loved Lola so much that I wanted to show solidarity when her head became bald from all those chemotherapy shots? Did I cut my hair because I was tired of spending so much on hair products just to tame it? Why did I cut my hair really? 

Daniel answered correctly. “She’s experiencing life crisis”. He laughed when someone asked. I agreed. It was then that I began to understand the impulse. It’s really not something I can find the words to explain properly. It’s the feeling of taking control of what’s yours, that feeling of knowing you’ve gone through twenty-five years on earth and have learned enough to not let yourself be disrespected, the feeling that you are enough and can be confident in your own skin. 

I have always feared that I’d look like a man if I cut off all my hair but you see, my confidence two days after taking all that hair off, is amazing.

I owe no one any explanation (except Ola of course, who was just so sad). Everyone who noticed has promised not to speak to me again. “That plenty hair!” “You cut that hair when I’m here begging God to give me hair!”

I laugh now and respond, “This haircut also looks good on me”, because regardless of what they think and how they feel, the hair was mine, is mine and will always be mine. This is how I shall welcome twenty-six.

Aidee staring blankly

Aidee Erhime

Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2017 in RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

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…THAT I AM ENOUGH

…THAT I AM ENOUGH

Growth is fun. Having to live through life, learning and making mistakes, taking responsibility, living and having fun, is fun. I do not remember how much fun I had when I was eighteen years old but Tarfa came to pay us a visit the other day and I told him about a project Clara and I were working on for teenagers.

“I am not a teenager but I do feel like one”, I said.

“You are always a teenager, Aidee”, he replied then he said something about how I always put myself in their shoes and try to understand what it is that they felt.

Some years back, no one would say that of me. Put myself in whose shoes? My shoes are enough trouble for me plix! But growing does that thing to a lady, yes?  A man too. This is how I have learned many other ways to listen, to respect what others feel and to know how much I am worth. I do not think I am at that level just yet, where I totally understand what it all means, but I am happy that I am at this phase where I can point at any of my friends and say of them, ‘this one has a hold of his life’.

Botafrik is here. Botafrik is one of my many dreams come true and so I want my 161st published blog post to be this – that I am grateful to be surrounded by beautiful friends, no, family and that I know what it means to love and be loved, to live and let live, to invest in a life, to make mistakes. I understand what it means to burn out, to focus on passion, to choose what is best, to give without expectation, to look in the mirror everyday and say to myself, “I AM ENOUGH”.

Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 1, 2017 in RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

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