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GROWING UP, GROWING OUT.

The compound where my apartment is located has about ten flats. I am the only unmarried tenant and I can only recognize two of my neighbours. Everyone minds his business. 


However, I couldn’t help but notice a certain neighbour of mine. Dude has a son who is extremely introverted. When all the children come out to play, this boy (let’s call him Sadiq) would sit outside his flat and watch sadly. It’s almost like he wishes he could play with the rest.

He has a poor relationship with his father, I noticed. A boy of not more than thirteen years old being treated like he is an adult. I’ve seen his mother only once and probably won’t recognise her outside. Quiet family, that one. I admire my other neighbours whose children welcome them back home with hugs and shouts of “daddy, welcome. What did you bring for us”. Sadiq simply comes out to take his father’s bag inside. He appears scared when anyone talks to him and I’ve heard his father call him a fool too many times. 

I am afraid for him and I wish his father knew what he is turning this boy into. 

This is the reality of some of us, our childhood years had us scampering about when daddy returned. When the assigned sentry yelled from the ‘mountain top’, “daddy is back”, we found our inner Usain Bolt and turned chaos into serenity. We grew up afraid of our fathers. I wonder to what end. What exactly were our fathers thinking, making us afraid of them?

Things were easier with the girls than with the boys. While the fathers had almost no relationship with their boys, the mothers had no relationship with their girls. Were they jealous? 

It is clear that Sadiq’s father grew up in such a home and this authoritarian attitude is rubbing off on his relationship with his boy who wishes he can play with his peers but is afraid of his father.

This boy will one day be fed up, fight with his dad and leave the house. He may grow up angry and transfer this anger to his own son. Plot twist? He may decide to never let his own child experience such an upbringing. This decision takes a lot of work and guts. It is not an easy path to follow – forgiving your parents and moving on – but it is the best path. I would know.

These children make huge mistakes later on. The love they lacked, they will crave and eventually do silly things if it means tasting just a little bit of love from a total stranger. 
This post is just me letting out baggage. I still greet Sadiq and hope one day, he’ll respond with a smile and join the others when they play monopoly. 

How was your growing up like?

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Posted by on March 30, 2017 in RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

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STORY STORY

The story…
The man once told the  lady that he loved her, and his confession caused the ignition of the love she eventually had for him. With him, the world stood still. A love that could lead to a union, maybe a child or three. So she lived for him, putting away most that would make her her and wearing the cloak of maturity, the shoes of a married woman to-be.

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Posted by on March 19, 2016 in FICTION

 

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AUNTY OYOYO

I’m walking home from work, very tired and eager to hug my pillow. I know I will be too lazy to eat but I dream of food anyway. My bag is weighing me down. It’s the only bag I have and it is 5 years old. Daddy bought it for mummy who gave it to me. This bag was beautiful the first day I took it to class, the red leather lined around black gave it a very nice look and it got a whole lot of compliments. But as it is with everyone and everything, we all get old and soon become a shadow of our youth. My dear bag has withstood the test of time and its old age is showing, it has gotten nail injuries but it still serves its purpose.

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Posted by on March 18, 2015 in LIFE, RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

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JUDE’S CROSS CONTD

I loved Jude with all my life, am still loving him, it is just so sad how time has been so unfair to me, staring at the worried face sitting close to my sick bed, he held my hands, his palms so soft and as sweet as he was eight years ago…. The man was grieving I could tell,…. Just as I snapped out of coma heard his soft voice praying silently, he held the Rosary in his arms…. I saw his lips move, he was in anguish….. The inner me so wanted to hate this man, this man that hurt the very fibre of my womanhood….. But do I blame Jude for,all that has happened?
No I obviously had my own share of blame, I even think i had a larger share……. Sometimes when I think back… That night I left for the US, that night shouldnt have existed,… Ooohhhh how foolish I was, never ever to involve family in marital affairs….. My dad was an impossible man, he and my mum ruined any form of happiness that I would have gotten from my failed marriage……… The funny thing about life is that success has got so many friends and well wisher while failure…. Mmmhhhhh only a few hypocritic misfit would hang around you to cheer you up and much later make a mockery of you…. My father got it all wrong, all wrong…….
…… The moment my flight touched down the United States of America, everything began to go so wrong…. As we headed out the terminal, I sighted my mother from the waiting lobby….. Chidinma, my 8months old daughter was hanging in the front pouch like a kangaroo does….. My mother quickly reached out to her and unstrapped the little angel from the front carrier, funny all through the flight Chidinma only slept once, she was so restless……. My mother immediately gave me that look, didn’t I tell you?…. I had little or nothing to say to her my tired bones couldn’t carry any more guilt sermon, all I honestly needed was comfort, the only place I could get that was in the bosom of my husband Jude…. Oh gosh the alarm in my heart rang so loud, deep down inside the emptiness was so obvious, oh Jude,……
My mothers Chevrolet was packed at the parking lot, as soon as we got into her 2008 Chevrolette SUV, my eyes couldn’t hold the water that gathered there, it felt like a heavy cloud of rainfall…. The tears flowed freely like an unending water fall, my mother just casually threw me her handkerchief….. You see like the saying where I come from ” what an elder sees sitting down, a young one would not see standing” didn’t I warn you about marrying people with little or no morals, ” well he who carries ant infested firewood has invited the lizards to dinner” …. Mum please don’t go there, please, the sobs continued it shocked me because the last time I had this free flow of tears was when my younger brother died 8years ago from Leukaemia….. My father had done everything possible Ugo my baby brother had the best consultant heamatologist in the whole of the US Professor Rudrolph Smithen from John Hopkins Hospital, funny enough that was my first meeting with Dr Ben Carson, although my father had told me much about him but met him for the first time October 17th 2002… My Father then was working at Hammersmith Hospital in Tennesee but they had monthly reviews of surgeons…… The handkerchief my mum handed over was suddenly all moist…. Come Nnedinma you are not acting like a child that I carried in my womb for nine good months, why are you so weak,….
That boy is so lucky he isn’t in the US, I would have locked his crude being in jail…… My daughter you should stop crying, you are barely 29 years of age, you still have life before you, you should be happy that God has taken away that evil… hold on mummy that evil man you are about to call is my husband and according to the catholic faith I cannot divorce him and moreover i am three months Pregnant for him….. The shock all over her face just told her that her mother was broken and disappointed…. How could you Nnedinma, how could you, didn’t I warn you to be careful and observant 5months ago when I visited Nigeria? My God, Nnedinma I am highly disappointed in you, Chineke……. After that the drive home was almost quiet and uneventful apart from the little chuttle from Chidinma that was tucked up behind in her baby sitter sucking away……
The Life of children they have little or no worry, I just envied her life now,…
One would think that after the tongue lashing from her mother maybe probably she would fine a little succor from her beloved father,, although her father loved her so much and made sure she lacked nothing but that didn’t stop him from expressing his disappointment…
That evening, when he came back from work, Nnedinma could sight his Porche Kayens glide through the snowy winter as he drove straight into the parking lot of their house…. Their house was a stone throw away from AT and T band school,, it was mostly a black community they resided… a stone throwaway from their bungalow was the house of Judes friends parent, Kunle Coka, Professor Olawole Coka who was a Professor in the University of Georgia his wife Margaret Coka, she had a Hispanic descent…….
She watched the silhouette of her father stride through the snow into the front porch of his residence, for a man of 57years of age he looked even younger than that, she expected the door bell to ring and so it deed….. the sound of the bell brought her fond memories when she was much younger… and that bell had a lot to give, her dad had a way of teasing her appetite with candy and ice-cream everytime he came home from the hospital… but on this very day she wasn’t expecting anything other than tongue lashing…
Chidinma was downstairs with her grandmother, Nnedinma could hear the excited sounds of her dad and the loud laughter of Chidinma his grand daughter…. Chidinma had something going for her she was a very social child and so gave her smile for free,………..
It was almost thirty minutes from when her father came in, she knew he had gone to take a shower and the next would be to come see her….. she couldn’t forget when she had a terrible scuffle with her father this was when she just finished her bachelor’s degree and she wanted to join the schools theatre art group up at Tennessee, he bluntly refused, she in-turn left without his consent, he was mad at her when she returned a year later but he couldn’t express it because she was down with pneumonia… she had always had a history of Pneumonia so her mother had told her, so its re-occurrence sparked a little worry from her father… she was immediately hospitalized and when she returned from the hospital after the attack he walked up the stairs as he usually did when he was away for a long time to kiss her good night…, knocked gently and gave her the lectures of her life….. she remembered that her she cried her eyes that day as his not so aggressive lectures evoked so much emotions…. She could hate her dad, on the contrary she love the man to bits, that could tell why her father had giving her a love ring when she turned fifteen, he told her about boys and their escapade this prepared her mind and so protected her from being ravished by the young teens who wanted to sow their royal oath….
….. the knock eventually came, she was backing the door of her spacious room, the room still had its pinkish touch, and her parents left everything just the way she had arranged it… her ward-rope and drawers where just the same, and on the table the picture of the trio smiling, her father, mother and herself, this picture was taken after the death of her younger brother, they had taken the picture at Fronton park in San Francisco…..
… she turned to meet the quizzing face of her father, her eyes was all swollen as packs had gathered like black smoke from a chimney, she tried to conceal her tears, but it kept pouring, her daddy just walked up to her gathered her in his bosom as she sobbed away…. She perceived his perfume it was a very comforting one it was a mixture of his soap and the Ralph Lauren Perfume he wore… this sparked memory those nights she had nightmares and those nights she cried because she missed her brother, he would kiss her on her forehead and speak to her gently……..

 
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Posted by on March 13, 2014 in LIFE, love, Love Haven

 

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