The video making rounds about the husband penguin who fought hard with a home wrecker in order to save his marriage but lost, is very disturbing. What makes it disturbing is that the media portrays the female penguin as a cheating wife and the male penguin, a hero. No one wants to hear the female’s story and it hurts.
As usual, the media has influenced a vast majority of people who now believe that the female penguin deserves all things bad. There are questions a lot of us did not ask.
1. What if the ‘wife’ was fed up with her husband’s marathon cheating?
2. According to the report, the husband came home from a long trip to find his wife with a dude. What exactly was he doing away from home for so long? Could it be that he went away because he had a side chick he was seeing?
3. What if the ‘husband’ was a wife-beater and the ‘wife’ had filed for a divorce which was granted but because he heard rumors about his wife being happy, he decided to ruin her happiness.
4. What if they are both separated because he cheated and when the lady he cheated on his wife with, showed him her true colors, he realized his wife was a great asset but when he returned, it was already too late for him?
5. What if they are not even married but he is a stalker who just wanted to have the ‘lady’ by all means?
6. What if he abused their child?
The story making rounds is a single story. There are more sides to it and we really should cut the lady penguin some slack until we hear her side, and the ‘home wrecker’s side of the story. Meanwhile the lady penguin has to be protected because it appears humans are against her decision to stand with the man who brings her more joy. I want to believe she gave her ‘husband’ the opportunity to change but he did not and when he returned, he was not convincing enough. She found happiness and really does not need her ex waltzing back into her life like he owns it.
Watch video here.
Recently, I met with two women who used to work part-time for me. Both women are married, have children, are young and are financially poor. Both women also have educated husbands who have no jobs so whenever I see them, I usually pay them much more than they have worked for just because of my soft spot for the children.
They came to see me on different days this week, both looking malnourished but rather than give them money again, I thought I should help them set up businesses. When the first woman came, I asked her what kind of business she could set up with a certain amount of money. She told me what she could do with even less amount but her mindset was just too shallow. I wanted something else for her that would bring much more profit so I suggested she managed another business that I had planned a while ago and she was extremely excited about it. There and then, we planned our budget and she went ahead to find a suitable location for her proposed business. Everything would fall in place, I could see the future of what we had planned and I was ready to pool every resource available to get her there.
The following day, she came to see me.
“Ehn aunty, about that business, my husband thinks it is not wise of me to go into it because of my 10 month old baby”.
Say what??? After talking to a few people who were willing to help her raise capital, she comes to me with such a flimsy excuse?
I admit, I felt anger and pity for her at the same time.
The other women said that her husband told her that she would become proud if she starts to make money before him. She did not want to lose her marriage.
It’s a shame, I tell you, how marriages that are meant for two people to support each other is just an institution for jealousy. Is it not better to be unmarried and free to make choices that to be stuck in a marriage that holds back your success?
It was sometime in 2014 when a young lady vowed to her lover that she would never to be as foolish as her mother who decided to leave all her certificates and degrees for full time housewife duties and let herself be bullied by her husband. Even when her lover tried to explain to her that it was her father’s duty to mould his wife – by way of encouragement – into a fulfilled woman, the young lady would have none of it.
She constantly blamed her mother for everything that was wrong in the family, for her father’s bad habits and her phobia for marriage and she wished that her mother would stop being lazy, but the fact is that somewhere in the words that her lover spoke to her is an element of truth that this young lady would have to accept. The woman would always want to listen to her man and the duty falls on him to support her or at least explain clearly to her why a choice she wants to make is probably not the best.
I’m unhappy with those families; the women for being too weak and the men for being weaker. It’s a shame the children will be the ones who suffer for the poor decisions their parents made. I have done my bit in helping the women and I now understand clearly why I probably will not bother with married women but will put my entire focus on young unmarried girls who think that marriage is an institution that they can go into because they think that what they feel at the time is love and that the earlier they get married to anyone who comes along, the better for them.
It’s a big shame on our society that some people will continue to remain poor and beggarly no matter how much you want to help them, and all in the name of marriage.
In a recent discussion, I was quoted as saying a woman can walk out of her marriage if she is not comfortable. I never said so.
The person who quoted me said he drew this conclusion from my post on Tiwa Savage’s marriage. I’ll like to clarify just because I do not feel comfortable when people misquote me and from search terms, I know this blog has shown up on people’s browsers when they looked for answers on their marriages.
The title might not exactly do justice to the content of this post but I’ve never really been good with titles so just read on.
…not because your clock has long ticked
or because Amina and Shekina got married any way.
Not because little Mariam – born before your very eyes –
yesterday gave birth to two beautiful girls
even after you had attended her wedding ceremony
and had acted the role of godmother because she herself lost her mother at the tender age of three.
I wrote this for a blog.
“I dare say that those who cried foul are not feminists. Feminism doesn’t preach disrespect to your spouse. Feminism stands for proper treatment of women, feminism says don’t treat a woman as inferior. It doesn’t say to disrespect your husband. Feminism says, “I may be a woman but society won’t break me down; I get to make a choice rather than do as people expect me to do as a woman; I get to show society that my body isn’t all I have, I also have a brain that can think…”
The man once told the lady that he loved her, and his confession caused the ignition of the love she eventually had for him. With him, the world stood still. A love that could lead to a union, maybe a child or three. So she lived for him, putting away most that would make her her and wearing the cloak of maturity, the shoes of a married woman to-be.
…oh my child, my baby girl, the time has come to live your life…
I loved this song when I was young. It is one of the songs I know my dad listened to and dreamt of giving his daughter out in marriage. I know he must have imagined saying the same words to me when my time finally came to live my life. Many fathers will have to do same, give out your daughter to a stranger she fell in love with. I will patiently wait for that day. Listen and enjoy…
I am single, this means I am unmarried. This also means I may or may not be in any serious relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. This means I still have my own fair share of male friends, some who want to try out a relationship and others who just want my company in bed. I cannot change the fact that I am unmarried.
MR IBEH ANDRE NNANNA IS BACK AGAIN. I MISSED HIS WRITINGS… READY OR NOT, HERE WE GO…
I swear to God if I knew she had a terminal ailment I would have given her more attention, ‘oh God this suddenness, see how pale she looks, God, oh God please let this cup pass over me, please God, I promise to love and care for her, I would change my ways for the better, oh God please hear my prayers………, “