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ILE OBINRIN O KIN PE SU

ILE OBINRIN O KIN PE SU

I live in a large compound with many families. One of my neighbours is an elderly Urhobo couple so when they found that I am an Urhobo girl, they informally adopted me and scolded me whenever I didn’t stop by to say hi.

Yesterday, I sat with mama for my Urhobo lessons but ended up listening carefully to her as she talked about how she was once a petite young lady who worked so hard to assist in training her children. She talked so fondly about her children who are now all married and how she ensured that her daughters did not end up being wayward.

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Posted by on March 28, 2018 in RANDOM THOUGHTS, RANTS

 

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RANT- THE MARRIAGE PRESSURE

This is probably going to be my longest rant because it has queued too long in my guts. I expect many people to read and say, “Aidee is only saying this because she is lonely and eager to get married” so I will just put this out there…Yes, Aidee wants to marry. I do not fall into the category of people who want to die lonely. If you knew how many times I have spent my me-moments dreaming of my forever boyfriend who will get this excess love that I have in abundance, you will know that a girl needs a man. I am just tired of having this marriage thing shoved at my face every darn time. Isi gini?

Now Aidee is on a self-imposed break, not taking new clients for her side hustle and because the internet has been crappy in some days, she decides to pack her kaya and go to the family house which is the name she calls her other house in the other side of the city. She wants to spend a week there and because the family (her friends) have all travelled to Ife, she is home alone in a fairly big house, enjoying her solitude pending when they return and resume the bustle that makes her love them. A girl is also on a budget so she cannot just be spending money in Chicken Republic and Dominos, she instead makes a meal of rice, stew and unborn chicken which she eats in the morning while watching movies and then when she gets bored, she does some research and drifts into her daydream. 

Research, this involves using the internet and checking out insights from the Facebook and Instagram pages. I find some interesting posts on my timeline and decide to look through, Sarah posts “I lost my mother today”, Franca posts a long note as well as a photo of her now fat self. Today is her birthday and she is CLEARLY pregnant even though she tries to hide it. I am happy that Ruth is not here to tell me about Franca, the little girl who was in the same class as us, graduated and got married instantly. That fine girl is now expecting a baby. Aidee, look at us. When will we marry? This year? Next year? Sometime or never? 

Then there is Tade whose photo of a little child is on his timeline with a prayer, “At work with this little one, God bless you little one”. The little one looks happy so I go through the comments. Oh the comments! 

“Is this your daughter?”, “Congratulations brother, emi a sope”, “Ah, my surest egbon aff a fine baby, HBD baby” to which Tade tries his respectful best to respond, “Aunty she is not my child o”, “Uncle Soka, thank you but she is not my child o”, “Aburo, omo ore mi ni o”. Big mistake, for Tade has invited the spirit of sympathy through his response. 

“Eya, we dey wait for your IV o”, “Egbon, when will you bring our wife home na?”, “May the Lord grant you a wife”. 

Hian! Na fight?

But social media is a small thing na, not like that time when I dragged my lazy self to Phase two market to get smoked fish for the okro soup I had been craving. 

“Mama, how much for this one?”

“This one 200, that one 250”

“Haba mama! Sell this one 200 for me na.” I point at one of the ones sold for 250.

She smiles. I take advantage of the smile and make my cute puppy face.

“You know say I be your daughter and your daughter too thin”

“Ha no worry, your flesh go come out when you enter your own house.”

“But na my house I dey na”

“You don marry?” She checks me out from head to toe.

“No, but I rent house for here”

“Your husband house na im be your house, my pikin”

“If husband no quick come nko? I need small flesh now o, just sell this fish for me abeg”

“Your husband dey come, no use your mouth drive am go”

“Ehn but as e never come, make I take care of myself na”

“You must marry, no follow all these other girls dey talk say your husband no dey come now. Small girl like you need marriage”

“Okay ma, I don hear. Fish nko?”

“So no dey talk that kain thing for outside”

“I don hear na, sell fish for me mama” I laugh. “E don do”

“Na you start am o”

She sells the fish and prays for me.

Two days later, I am talking with Joe on the phone and telling him to hook me up with any of his friends. I am tired of waiting for this guy I am crushing on to get the hint that I like him. I want to move on, I say to Joe. He understands and he says he will be on the lookout for me. When the call ends, I am angry at myself. How desperate can one get? I ask myself a number of questions.
Oya why do you want boyfriend? Because everyone is flaunting bae left, right and center.

Is that the only reason? Well, someone has to collect all the anger after a bad day yo!

And? My room gets boring. A girl would like to spend the weekend elsewhere.

Any other reason? A chest to lay on.

That all? Bearbear to drag.

Hm hmm? That is all jor. I want to share my joy with someone.

So you want to share your joy with someone and because everyone already has someone, you will choose anyone? You want to break your rules and live based on other people’s standards? Don’t you have friends who are better than all the boyfriends you’ve ever had combined? Do you want to settle for just anyone when you can spend all these time making a better version of you? Do you want to succumb to pressure out of fear? Are you insane?

Years ago, I made a silent decision to never accept a marriage proposal from any man who was acting under pressure from his family to get married. It is always so glaring even when we try to hide it. My mother, her innocent pressure almost made me settle for someone not worth the trouble. 

You guys should stop it is what I am saying. The comments, the remarks, the “God will provide, I am waiting for your invitation card”, it just sucks! That is pressure and the one who gets the load does not always know because the remarks are always so subtle, not easily noticed until s/he begins to think there is no more to life than getting married even if it is to a mad man or woman. Sha get married, invite people and then brace up for a new bout of prayers for a child. Get a child and brace up for “When will this your child get an aburo? We are praying for you o”. 

See ehn, let me not say anything more. 

Aidee

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2017 in RANTS

 

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BLIND DATES AND ALL

How do blind dates work? I have been single for a minute and my friends have set me up countless times with people I do not know. I have gone on every date my friends set up for me and have not had good experiences with them. I remember the one my sister tried to set me up with, “he is a good guy, cool and generous. He just needs a companion. Do this, sis.” I thought it was worth the shot so we got talking, the man and I, but I got bored. Aidee is a dreamer, a playful dreamer. I hate mechanical conversations. I swear I  play too much but I am also a serious person. Fancy meeting a guy and talking about stuff like ‘so what do you do for a living?’.

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Posted by on June 4, 2017 in RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

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CHEATING PENGUIN: WHAT THE MEDIA DID NOT SAY

​The video making rounds about the husband penguin who fought hard with a home wrecker in order to save his marriage but lost, is very disturbing. What makes it disturbing is that the media portrays the female penguin as a cheating wife and the male penguin, a hero. No one wants to hear the female’s story and it hurts.


As usual, the media has influenced a vast majority of people who now believe that the female penguin deserves all things bad. There are questions a lot of us did not ask. 
1. What if the ‘wife’ was fed up with her husband’s marathon cheating?

2. According to the report, the husband came home from a long trip to find his wife with a dude. What exactly was he doing away from home for so long? Could it be that he went away because he had a side chick he was seeing? 

3. What if the ‘husband’ was a wife-beater and the ‘wife’ had filed for a divorce which was granted but because he heard rumors about his wife being happy, he decided to ruin her happiness.

4. What if they are both separated because he cheated and when the lady he cheated on his wife with, showed him her true colors, he realized his wife was a great asset but when he returned, it was already too late for him?

5. What if they are not even married but he is a stalker who just wanted to have the ‘lady’ by all means?

6. What if he abused their child?

The story making rounds is a single story. There are more sides to it and we really should cut the lady penguin some slack until we hear her side, and the ‘home wrecker’s side of the story. Meanwhile the lady penguin has to be protected because it appears humans are against her decision to stand with the man who brings her more joy. I want to believe she gave her ‘husband’ the opportunity to change but he did not and when he returned, he was not convincing enough. She found happiness and really does not need her ex waltzing back into her life like he owns it. 

Watch video here.

 
 

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MARRIAGES MADE IN HELL

MARRIAGES MADE IN HELL

​Recently, I met with two women who used to work part-time for me. Both women are married, have children, are young and are financially poor. Both women also have educated husbands who have no jobs so whenever I see them, I usually pay them much more than they have worked for just because of my soft spot for the children. 

They came to see me on different days this week, both looking malnourished but rather than give them money again, I thought I should help them set up businesses. When the first woman came, I asked her what kind of business she could set up with a certain amount of money. She told me what she could do with even less amount but her mindset was just too shallow. I wanted something else for her that would bring much more profit so I suggested she managed another business that I had planned a while ago and she was extremely excited about it. There and then, we planned our budget and she went ahead to find a suitable location for her proposed business. Everything would fall in place, I could see the future of what we had planned and I was ready to pool every resource available to get her there. 


The following day, she came to see me. 

“Ehn aunty, about that business, my husband thinks it is not wise of me to go into it because of my 10 month old baby”.
Say what??? After talking to a few people who were willing to help her raise capital, she comes to me with such a flimsy excuse?

I admit, I felt anger and pity for her at the same time.

The other women said that her husband told her that she would become proud if she starts to make money before him. She did not want to lose her marriage. 
It’s a shame, I tell you, how marriages that are meant for two people to support each other is just an institution for jealousy. Is it not better to be unmarried and free to make choices that to be stuck in a marriage that holds back your success?
It was sometime in 2014 when a young lady vowed to her lover that she would never to be as foolish as her mother who decided to leave all her certificates and degrees for full time housewife duties and let herself be bullied by her husband. Even when her lover tried to explain to her that it was her father’s duty to mould his wife – by way of encouragement – into a fulfilled woman, the young lady would have none of it. 

She constantly blamed her mother for everything that was wrong in the family, for her father’s bad habits and her phobia for marriage and she wished that her mother would stop being lazy, but the fact is that somewhere in the words that her lover spoke to her is an element of truth that this young lady would have to accept. The woman would always want to listen to her man and the duty falls on him to support her or at least explain clearly to her why a choice she wants to make is probably not the best. 
I’m unhappy with those families; the women for being too weak and the men for being weaker. It’s a shame the children will be the ones who suffer for the poor decisions their parents made. I have done my bit in helping the women and I now understand clearly why I probably will not bother with married women but will put my entire focus on young unmarried girls who think that marriage is an institution that they can go into because they think that what they feel at the time is love and that the earlier they get married to anyone who comes along, the better for them. 
It’s a big shame on our society that some people will continue to remain poor and beggarly no matter how much you want to help them, and all in the name of marriage.

Photo by Aidee

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2016 in LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP, RANTS

 

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